I'm asexual, but I don't know if I want to be. I've grown up believing that sex is normal, and it would unite - for lack of a better word - my boyfriend and I, and it's never something that even appealed to me in the first place, but I figured experiencing it would change my mind. Everyone I've talked to has said things like "you might not be doing it right" or "is it something you can get fixed with therapy?" It makes me feel broken/inhuman. I don't know how to convince them or myself otherwise
Well, if sex is not working for you, you have two options:
1. Stop having sex. No really! If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it. You aren’t broken, and you’re definitely not inhuman. It’s okay to stand up for what you want and don’t want.
2. Try different things. If you still want to have sex because you want to use it to be close to your boyfriend, it might help to explore a little, maybe do some research and find some different types of sex that might be more fun for you. The people who say “you might not be doing it right” might not be wording this in a very sensitive way, but they have a point — there are sooooooo many different sex acts available. If you don’t like one of them, that doesn’t mean you’ll dislike all of them.
Above all, no matter what, the most important thing to remember is that it’s okay to dislike sex. Your feelings are valid. You aren’t broken and you aren’t alone. <3
I'm asexual and even though I know there's not, it still feels like there's something wrong with me because sex isn't all it's cracked up to be and apparently it's something I should like a lot and I just don't and I've never even felt the urge to have sex I've just done it because I thought maybe that would help. I feel like I'm abnormal or broken. I don't know what to do.
You aren’t broken, and while asexuality is statistically outside the norm, it’s not abnormal in the sense of bad or wrong! Most people don’t like something that everyone is “supposed” to like — maybe it’s chocolate, or traveling, or hugs, or music. For me it’s alcohol. Sometimes I feel awkward because everyone else is having fun drinking alcohol and I’m not, but it’s better than forcing myself to drink something that I think tastes gross. In the same way, it’s okay not to want sex, it’s okay not to like sex, and it’s okay not to have sex.
So, what do you do? First, you decide. Do you want to keep trying to make sex fun for you? Maybe you can do some research and find new things to try, or talk to your sexual partners and ask them for help in figuring out what would make it better for you.
If you decide that you don’t want to try anymore, then what you should do is stop having sex. And don’t worry about what you “should” like. The only thing that matters is what you actually like.